it's funny how life works out. the idea that each small happening in your life can result in something much larger is astounding. not to you maybe... but i find myself in awe of life's little nuances.
example: i set my clock for 6:30 am.
i get up, do 20 min pilates, shower, make breakfast and get dressed.
as a result, i've been routinely late for work (still temping)
4 of the 5 days this week.
now, if this continues, i should expect to be let go.
after all, i'm sure someone is watching.
so if i *were* let go, that would be very bad.
there would be no income coming in to pay bills.
i'd have to make amends with the temp agency and regain their trust
then they'd probably punish me by not calling for work
after lots of suffering, i'd probably get more work...
but in effect, each lateness is a small action
that when coupled could get me fired.
things like this happen in our interpersonal relationships all the time.
with the ex, he put me last.
i was always on the bottom of the list of priorities.
he'd cancel and rain check our plans.
he'd treat me with indifference.
now one of these alone isn't enough to split people apart
but put them together and it becomes enough.
so we break and then what?
i chill for a bit.
during a rough family time, i make friends with this cat.
he calls to see how i'm doing
talks me through some things.
we get close.
a few months later.
i know i love him.
i move to LA, he follows.
timing is everything.
if each of those small things hadn't happened with my ex
i would have never been in this place with the man.
i wouldn't have shared my life with this person.
i wouldn't have had the chance to love him as much as i do.
to fight with him and be upset and grow from it.
so all life's small little events add up.
you feel me?
it's cyclic.
up then down.
so say i didn't shape up and lost this job
shit would be rough for a while
but eventually, good things would sprout back up.
so yeah, i'm not lamenting... but i have been thinking
last night i got a call from an old friend
we've known each other for years
and for a little more than a year, we'd been fuck buddies.
he goes back before my ex.
as a matter of fact, i cut him loose when we began seeing each other.
i haven't talked to him in abt 6 months when he was living in miami
he's back in new york now. thinking abt abandoning law
and getting into business.
me: hello
him: hey sexy
me: *shock*
me: yo, the apprentice is on, let me call u back in 20.
him: ok ma.
so yeah, i call back and get voicemail.
me: hey martin. i'm returning your call... but um, i live with my man.
don't call here talking bout hey sexy and don't leave me any crazy voicemails.
i'll cut you. call me back. ciao.
the phone rings 5 mins later. he's in total shock.
me? living with someone? love? whoa! he respects that.
we catch up. talk about our respective lives and families.
see martin wasn't just a fb, he was my homeboy.
we watched games together. cooked. loaned each other money.
he drove me around when i needed to get places.
he listened when i cried about my ex who didn't love me.
i listened when he talked about the woman who didn't love him.
so yeah, he's been my boy.
we're talking and
then
he laments...
i've been thinking about you a lot lately.
i keep wondering why i didn't scoop you up.
we were good together.
you've been on my mind a lot...
and i can't figure out why we never made it official.
we dealt with each other longer than
we dealt with people we were in relationships with.
all that time and we never really got together...
i keep wondering why.
me: um...
him: it's cool. i know you're with ole boy. i respect that. i'm not trying to take you away from that... but if ya'll ever break up.... holla.
so then he keeps talking as if none of that was just said.
um....
yeah....
what is it with men?
first the ex... now a non-ex.
