i've been sick for 3 days.

the man thinks it's the tumeric in the curry we've been eating all the time.
in the last 3 days, i've eaten half a cup of soup, a banana and 10 grapes (the last 2 today). i've vomited more times than i can count (just a rather nasty yellow liquid), i haven't had a single bowel movement. for over 24 hours, i had a burning fever that wouldn't break and my mouth seemed perpetually dry. i didn't have the energy to move. and i still have a small pain in the lower right portion of my abdomen. something tells me that whatever it is, it's prohibiting my bowel movement. i've tried salt water (vomited it) and senna tea. nothing. the pain has quelled a bit.... but i want it gone.

it's weird being sick around another person. growing up, my mom didn't do much coddling. i distinctly remember having a stomach virus, vomiting on my mother and being left alone to babysit my little sister..... since then, i haven't much liked being sick around people. i'd rather be alone than have anyone see me nearly helpless. i remember that incident so vividly. it hurt me.... it shaped how i viewed relying on other peopel to look after you....

honestly though. this man took care of me. on some held my head and pumped my stomach when i threw up. brought water to my bedside. rubbed my lower stomach. made sure i was okay. he stayed home all day as i drifted in and out of consciousness. and i felt really vulnerable. it's the kind of thing that i've done for a lot of people and never had it done for me.... never really expected it. i've never been involved with anyone like him... being taken care of is oddly humbling. it made me even more grateful to have him in my life.

so um... the job i *really* want... doesn't start until after Labor Day now. i'm not guaranteed anything but it feels good to know that they didn't leave me out of the loop for the second interview. when i called the interviewer yesterday and went to remind her of who i was, she told me that she remembered me very well and they had pushed back the start date and would not be doing second rounds until closer to that date. i want that job. more than i've wanted any job i've done before. *crosses fingers*

so um... i haven't talked to gene in like... a week or so. i was going to call him again... but i *hate* voicemail. i just despise always talking to an answering machine.... it's weird how i'm going through some sort of withdrawal. i used to talk to him everyday. he's my best friend. i really fucking miss him. lots. but i'm sick of leaving messages and never getting a returned phone call. rejection never did sit well with me.

good news sean is coming to visit! he'll be here the second week in october for a week. i'm *so* excited. sean is my original husband. he's the bestest. he gives the best hugs ever. he needs a break and i need some ny company. i miss home. i miss having good friends around me....