kim arrives today. she's flying in and renting a car...
which is good b/c i'll be running around looking for a new gig
and she'll want to do her own thing.
she doesn't know how to drive my car anyways.....
it will be nice to have a bit of company
but what i'm worried about is fucking up my routine.
before i go to work, i do 20 min pilates. i've been fairly consistent since moving.
when people are sleeping in my living room where my tv is,
i'm reluctant to do pilates b/c i hate waking them up.
so umm... i need to work this out.
a flat stomach is within reach.
i've been working on my workday snack intake too.
yesterday i had peanuts intstead of twix.
granted,
they were honey roasted peanuts....
but still.
my job keeps a steady supply of chocolate and sugar in the communal kitchen.
it gets hard.
funny how easy it is to give up meat and how hard it is to give up sugar.
that may be my new goal.... getting rid of refined sugar.
i need motivation.

2 days and i'll have an official roommate.
i haven't lived with anyone for more than 4 months
since freshman year of college.
remarkably, i'm not afraid.
anxious...nervous.... but i ain't never scurred.
he wants to get a blog together on some dharma and greg shit.
until he admits that he's dharma and i'm greg, i'm not doing it.

for the first time in 3 years, i have to get a house phone.
he refuses to get a cell. he needs a number.
on the bright side, it may be better for business.
people don't want to call my new york number to schedule a hair appointment.
i'm making up flyers this week to hand out.
i need a name for the business.
any suggestions ya'll? i have 24 hours.
this will be the weekend hustle.

a blog or 2 ago,
i mentioned that man known to some as my biological father.
after all the venting, i'd resolved that evening to call him and cut ties.
i forgot i'd deleted his number.
but... he paged me yesterday morning.
i waited until i got home to call back.
he said how he'd been tring to reach me.
i confrmed that i'd gotten all of his msgs.
after frivilous inquires about my life,
i blurted, i don't think we should talk anymore.
he said, ok.
then hung up.
he totally robbed me
of my holier than though rant about how i don't respect him.
that's an overstatement.
i don't rant when talking to him.
he's never been known for listening
or wanting to hear anything bad about himself.
this way, he goes to sleep at night with that, "i tried" in his head.
it's odd how most of my friends have the most shallow confused parents around.
for the most part they all have the same thing in common...
avoiding and denying any responsibility for their actions.
if nothing else,
i learned a lot from my parents about what type of person i *didn't* want to be
i spend my life constantly trying to do better.
for that, i am grateful.

my niece starts kindergarten next week.
i'm afraid for her teachers.
my niece has multiple personality disorder or something.
that's olnly partially true.
she has a tendency to throw these outrageous fits at school.
at first, i didn't beleive her teachers. she'd *never* tried that shit at home.
the other week though, i told her to come in the house b/c she didn't know how to play fairly.
when i say she acted a fucking fool, i'm being kind.
in all my years dealing with children.... i have *NEVER* seen an shit like that.
not even from white kids!
she screamed for like 20 mins straight.
she kicked at me.
kicked walls.
got totally fanatical.
i wished i'd videotaped it.
instead of beating the fuck out of her, i calmly picked her up by her clothing,
carried her to her room
and THREW her on the bed and closed the door.
i tried to call her parents before that and she got LOUDER.
my sister says i should have beat her ass.
she only tried that with ppl she know won't hit her.
i don't know how true that is.... i've been watching them since i've been in cali and she never did that.
she lived with my mom and went to school in new york and never did that either.
i was so angry in that moment, i thought it better not to get violent.
afterwards, i was surprised at how calm i remianed in the moment.
i tell you this,
it scared the shit out of me.
*rubs bc patch lovingly*

tomorrow is my last day at this company... i think.
i like it here... and it's close to home.
it it my sincerest hope that the next gig is no more than 30 mins away from the crib.
i detest long commutes.